After years of struggle, I broke up with the man I had wished to spend the rest of my life with. Then I flew to the other end of the world. In that foreign land, I picked up a million tiny parts of mine and weaved them again. Then I breathed life into that lifeless me. After a year, I returned to the old city and happened to rent an apartment in his vicinity.
I thought I had moved on. And I had. I am with someone else now and I love my current partner most earnestly.
But when I meet the old fellow, the mind works in the most intriguing manner and pulls out buried memories and swirls them around until I am sucked into a whirlpool of heavy nostalgia. The throat chokes as if something has happened. Something bad and beyond my control. I feel helpless. Alone, again. I crouch on my bed. A gush of tears rushes out my glossy eyes. I feel like doing nothing. Then I tell the past and the present partner how I feel and they say whatever they can to make me feel better.
I had thought that after a break up you can completely erase someone from your life and push him or her out of your mind. But even after all these years of constructing a life far away from the ex, I realize that he can just walk in on the feet of memories.
I thought hard about what I was doing wrong. How come I still hadn’t moved on? Then I understood that moving on wasn’t the problem. After all, I am content with my partner. My humanness was the protagonist of this drama.
The people who were part of your life would always remain a part of your life. They won’t overshadow your sky but it would still have hues and shades of them. And that’s okay. The memories that they stir might upset you, but remember that they created those memories. You can be at peace only by giving those colorful emotions a place to rest in your painting. Not by aggressively trying to change the canvas or by repainting on them. The new colors would find a place for themselves and then all of these would coalesce to paint your life in the most beautiful manner, only if you let them.
I occasionally meet my ex and let the waves of the past carry me in sinuous paths. And why shouldn’t I? We shall never push out even one person who cares about us and would come to help on our one call.
Instead of forcing people out, we should try and accept them. And then enjoy the rainbows in our sky even on the most stifling days 🙂