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What I Learned By Staying in Touch with My Ex-Boyfriend

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After struggling for a year, I broke up with the man I had wished to spend the rest of my life with. Then I flew to the other end of the world. In that foreign land, I picked up a million tiny parts of mine and weaved them again. Then I breathed life into that lifeless me. After a year, I returned to the old city and happened to run into him.

I thought I had moved on. And I had. I am with someone else now and putting in all the hard work a relationships needs. I love my current partner most earnestly.

But when I meet the old fellow, the mind works in the most intriguing manner and pulls out buried memories and swirls them around until I am sucked into a whirlpool of heavy nostalgia. The throat chokes as if something has happened. Something terrible and beyond my control. I feel helpless. Alone, again. I crouch on my bed. A gush of tears rushes out my glossy eyes. I feel like doing nothing. Then I tell the past and the present partner how I feel, and they say whatever they can to make me feel better.

I had thought that after a break up you could completely erase someone from your life and push him or her out of your mind. But even after all these years of constructing a life far away from the ex, I realize that he can just walk in on the feet of memories.

I thought hard about what I was doing wrong. How come I still hadn’t moved on? Did I have no control over my emotions? Then I understood that moving on wasn’t the problem. After all, I am content with my partner. My humanness was the protagonist of this drama.

The people who were part of your life would always remain a part of your life. They won’t overshadow your sky, but it would still have hues and shades of them. And that’s okay. The memories that they stir might upset you, but remember that they created those memories. You can be at peace only by giving those colorful emotions a place to rest in your painting. Not by aggressively trying to change the canvas or by repainting on them. The new colors would find a place for themselves, and then all of these would coalesce to paint your life in the most beautiful manner, only if you let them.

Learning how to be with people around us is one of the most important steps to personal growth.

I meet my ex sometimes, and let the waves of the past carry me in sinuous paths. And why shouldn’t I? We shall never push out even one person who cares about us and would come to help on our one call (interpersonal relationships matter more than we think).

Instead of forcing people out, we should try and accept them. Then enjoy the rainbows in our sky even on the stifling days 🙂

What do you do to heal from a break-up? Would love to hear from you.


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9 thoughts on “What I Learned By Staying in Touch with My Ex-Boyfriend”

  1. Very thought provoking. I too went to the ends of the earth to reflect and have a clearer vision of what transpired. I know I’m still in luv with the thought of what might have been. Now, realistically, I know the right choice was made by the Universe!
    We have cut all ties so that we can respect each other’s boundaries.
    I realize now it was just another bus stop along the route of learning life.

  2. I have recently come across your blog after a friend forwarded me the link to one of your article. And I must say I am loving all of the articles on your blog. All of them are written with such ease in a very simple straightforward way hitting the write chords.
    I really liked this article, because such people are very rare who chose to be in touch with their Ex’s; this notion is not very acceptable with all. But I would rather term them as someone extremely dear to you at one point of time, who do still care for you till now but is forced to not show that care because life has moved past. Again not all your ex’s would be this way, but there are few true genuine souls as such. And I have always wondered how in world can you cut all ties with such souls all of sudden and never speak with them ever again; or rather not chose to know if they are at least doing fine. Somehow I have always wondered are human ties and connections so weak? Are emotions and feelings so under-rated where they do not mean anything to people.

    But your last lines of this article are so beautiful and resonated so so well with me—–
    I occasionally meet my ex and let the waves of the past carry me in sinuous paths. And why shouldn’t I? We shall never push out even one person who cares about us and would come to help on our one call.
    Instead of forcing people out, we should try and accept them. And then enjoy the rainbows in our sky even on the most stifling days

    Truly I guess not everyone has the courage, power and kindness to enjoy these rainbows 🙂

    • Hiral, your comment made my day. Sorry for replying so late. I think I draw my courage from the realization that apart from being a husband or an ex or a friend or an enemy, we all are humans. We all need people, even when some of us go for years in solitude. So I wonder how can we just block and delete and burn anyone from our life while they still are as real as they ever were. I still meet and talk to my exes when I can. Of course, not everyone. Some of them still care for me. And this happens all with the knowledge of my current partner who is possibly the best partner in the world. If he was not understanding, I would have had a tough time being in touch with my ex.

      Please keep reading. Thank you.

  3. A beautiful short memoir and tale of how our emotions and feelings will never completely leave us, but we change and adust to circumstances, as we must.
    The other comments are incorrect I believe (other writer sounds like a guy!)

    • Thank you, Marlys, for reading the blog. I am glad you liked this heartfelt story 🙂 You are right, we never completely forget, but circumstances change. I know that the other comment is not right, but I am not sure if the writer is a man or a woman. Does it matter?

  4. Truth is you are still in love with the ex, and the current dude is a compromise. Deep down you know it and feel it, and so do the dudes. The ex won’t say it because he’s a decent human being, and the current dude just won’t admit it to himself, though just like you deep down he knows.

    • haha. Thanks for this beautiful insight, but I don’t think so. I am very happy in my current relationship, and I am glad that I broke up with the ex. My current partner is one of those men that are on the verge of extinction, peaceful in the chaos, giving in the ever-ambitious race of humans, and adjusting when no-one even moves an inch for the other person.
      Those were just some bottled-up memories which surfaced when I saw the ex, and it is natural that that would happen. Thanks for reading and commenting though.


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